“Be” and my real best friend in Roswell New Mexico USA

Well, Be my Anam Cara is sort of saying: you %^&*!!!! to me because he is so happy… why? LOL… um… here goes.

I think… Be isn’t just all spiritual self helping me. I’m beginning to feel him physically. Like… I can sense him, his physical self. As the healings happen more, I can feel him more. When I hug my big teddy bear, sometimes I feel like I’m a man for some split moments. Then the next thing I know, I feel myself again. I think there’s some kind of telepathic thing going on. I’m beginning to get really scared and wondering if I’m out of my mind again but Be suddenly says in my mind: what do you mean out of your mind? I’m here. I can feel you.

Then I go in my mind: OMG! Is that another spirit hijacking/possessing my mind and making me hear voices again? And Be goes: So is that how spirits possess your mind? Do you think I’m a spirit? What do you think I have been doing for you? Do you think I’m really that numb and not feel it all when you’re suffering there? I don’t hijack your mind but I sure hear you when I want to.

And I go in my mind: Freaking out… I think there goes my sanity again.

Be goes: So the friend we’ve been talking to in spirit, who is he? I’m like he’s my best friend who lives in Roswell New Mexico USA. Be goes wild with joy! Be: you bit**! And you think you’re normal? Your best friend lives in Roswell for crying out loud! That’s like alien central.

(By the way, to protect my best friend’s identity, I will not name him. But yes he lives in Roswell. We’ve known each other for around 10 years. He is around my age.)

Be goes: What happened to you? What ever happened to you? You used to be so spiritual even before the spiritual gurus you went after. What happened?????

I’m like: Life happened. Some of my best friends died of cancer who lived in USA. I went after spiritual gurus to relieve myself of my pain in life even when those ones were alive but I went off the track with the egoistic spiritual gurus. Then possessions and psychic attacks happened. I was stuck back in my country suffering. It’s darker than the dark night of the soul really. I was scared of spirituality and anything spiritual. I had made big mistakes etc. I was under the fear of others persecuting me or me persecuting myself. Yes. I used to be very spiritual. I didn’t used to be this fearful or disabled.

Be: Why can’t you believe me in what I said when your best friend is a spiritual person living in Roswell? Isn’t that contradictory?

I’m like: What am I supposed to believe in anymore?

Be: But you can hear Goddess Danu. You can see her. You can see me but less clearly than Goddess Danu in spiritual form. I know you can’t see my physical self but I can see you. That’s not remote viewing though. I just can see you in spirit clearly.

I’m like: What do you expect me to believe in? That I can talk to someone in my mind? That I’m psychic? That it’s all really happening? I can believe I can see and hear Goddess Danu and she comes through very clearly. I’ve never been more psychic in my life. But you? Am I just being lonely and trying to imagine a man rescuing me from my shit? I mean I can believe your spiritual self helping me, but your physical self and me having telepathy? That’s a bit too mind blowing for me. That feels like schizophrenia.

Be: What can I say? You know what I’ve been doing and helping you with. Do you think I’m evil? Can you feel my heart?

I’m like: Voice. Can you please stop talking in my head. Be I know it’s you but I don’t want to drive myself nuts. All this talking is really too mind blowing. I can sense you talking spiritually then changing to that mind talking that feels like those spirits talking in my head again in my schizophrenia. I don’t want to be mad again.

Then I remembered… Be showed me a vision, his spiritual self showed me a vision. A memory… My ex boyfriend had once read my mind while we were hugging. He said exactly the things I was thinking in my head. He wasn’t that spiritual or I don’t know for sure because he was very private about his spiritual life. But I wasn’t in a healthy relationship with him and we just weren’t right for each other, me and my ex.

Oh no… Is that you? Be goes like: No I’m not your ex. Feel me.

Then I wonder to myself at this point, is my schizophrenia just psychic senses going nuts? With the possessions thing that happened too at that… Did the possessions and fighting off the possessions open up my psychic gifts further?

I’m like: Are you a shaman, Be? You seem very strong in your spiritual self. Normal people don’t appear like that.

Be smiles: Do you think I am? Are you a shaman? You seem very strong to me too, fighting the spirits off all by yourself without help for so many years.

At this point, I just shut up and tried to block my mind off. I can see Be clearer in spiritual form but then I’m just ignoring him and saying sorry to him I feel like being alone and then just stopped talking in my mind and head to him. And he just keeps going on in my head: Don’t fear.

Shanice the White Celtic Witch